I was once like you, I desperately longed for and searched for love. A love longing I was born with, you were born with it too. When our parents could not fulfill this perfect love we desired and so desperately search for (whether we knew it or not) We began seeking it out in all the different temporary highs of this world and I'm talking way before high school. Maybe food was our comfort before we recognized we were filling or attempting to fill a void that only a perfect love could satisfy. That started our path to being over weight or unhealthy which carries literally and figuratively so much weight to our self esteem and self worth.. Then it was our "best friends" who weren't really the "best" at loving us... They were actually kind of mean at a young age. So all of us "best friends" sought and competed for boyfriends who would "love" us (as we desired) the same way their parents may or may not have loved them, so "perfectly" then we cried empty tears of rejection after we were broken up with by what we thought was true love. Then sought out to be the rejector instead of the rejected to never feel that way again.
It was barely high school when we decided our own feelings would reign supreme over all others and our hearts grew a temperature colder. All the while we still have the deep longings for a real love, a prefect love, that continued to rule and drive us until we would find. We gave pieces of our selves away to each boy or girl that could sell us their best "love" lines. Then we all carried the same shame and later rejection from the significant other we so willingly gave our selves to to feel the love we so desperately still wanted to know. Most of us woke up to the shattered dreams of high school as either young mothers, drug addicted brothers, drop outs, alcohol, drug, and party addicted college students. Young mothers and fathers who now all bare the decisions and responsibility of giving love (we were never really given) to a baby who is also created with the same desire to be loved as early as their forming in the womb. How will we love? How can we bare our own hurts and pains from rejection that we have carried for so long and know how to love this baby so the cycle will not repeat itself. This rejection that tells us we are unworthy to feel worth, unworthy of happiness, unworthy of... Love.
And to our addicted brothers who were rejected by coaches because we weren't "good enough"... We weren't useful to win games, and that's the most important role a coach plays in our lives a coach can play....right? Winning games? Why weren't we good enough? Didn't that coach or teacher see the way we LOVED that sport? How could those college scouts not see the passion in my heart and how bad I wanted this? Rejection takes root again. Maybe I really wasn't good enough? Or maybe I was "in love" with something that would not, that simply could not love me back. Maybe I was yet again suffering the results of a coach who was trying to build a reputation or increase the numbers on the board. Instead of building a young player who was searching for love to justify their purpose for being in this earth. All the while, coaches and players alike were just acting off of a desire that went and was still going unfulfilled by a LOVE that we were all born longing for...
So throw that dream away, harden your hearts with drugs and alcohol, partying, sex and unhealthy relationships. At least these things may bring us popularity and a chance to feel the love we want so bad. And once the party dies we can use these things for a greater cause- numbness- it feeds our cold hurting hardened hearts. We have all decided no feeling is better than the rejection we have picked up carried for so long when ALL WE WANTED was a love we were born longing for that (if were honest) we never asked for.. As a matter if fact now were angry.. Why am I here? I didn't ask for this? I didn't ask to be born with a desire to be loved? that would go unsatisfied because of generations of parents, best friends, boy/girl friends, coaches, and teachers who were once children not loved perfectly and felt rejected and so on?
Have you been through one or all of the above? Been through a lesser or far greater version of these scenarios in your lifetime? I have. I'm Jessi Johnson that you all went to school with, a real person. I have felt many of these feelings and dealt with many of these rejections and can still see the faces of those I went to school with who suffered or who still are suffering the bad after taste of our school years in their mouths, better yet in their hearts.
I've shared this to bring the message, the Good News and bring Hope to you. In all sincerity of the feelings this letter brought up to you as each word reminded you of the bitter sting you hold in your heart from your childhood and your school years as you could relate. Bringing back feelings we all have been trying to bury from our own versions of the rejections, shames, and reasons for unworthiness of love we share.... I found it.
I found the love we have all been longing for, His name is Jesus. And He has called me in this very normal morning to unexpectedly share with you all the feelings I tried to hide and bury from my school years. He called me to share this because, He know you. He knows you feel like I have felt too. He knows you are weary from baring the rejections and carrying the shames and disappointments... and He says to you:
"I am here, I am waiting on you. Yes you, my beloved. I love you. I know you're not perfect, I know you feel scarred from your past, from circumstances, situations, shame and rejection. All because you were searching for a love and a desire for your purpose. I am perfect love and I love you. Not the cliché "Jesus loves you" kind of way... I have a love for you that takes your breath away and wipes away all the scars you thought were permanent. My Father created you, for this purpose, to love and to BE LOVED. Come to me beloved." -Jesus
(Please excuse grammar and improper use of everything as far as proper or correct writing goes) ❤️ ;)
I love you all.
No comments:
Post a Comment