no turning back;

In the past I have always found myself looking back. Each season would bring back old memories and I would feel like something better couldn't be possible. I would want what use to be. This year has been very different, after a very long fall/winter, I felt myself in a full on sprint for a FRESH spring and an even FRESHER summer. And that is exactly what God gave me.

Before I use to live for the days of summer spent road tripping and the night of a good party with all my friends. (At the time it seemed like those were the only things to do, living in Harrisburg) Only to wake up the next morning feeling empty. To wake up looking for the next moment in time I would feel "alive" again. The next road trip, party, get together... The drinking which I thought made me feel "alive" was actually the very thing that was taking life from me.

The things we choose to obey are the things we become slaves to.

I chose to drink, therefore eventually I thought I had to drink to have fun and feel happy again. So for the most part, if I was not at a good party...and sometimes even if I was. I was not "happy". I had been sucked into this pattern that was not only unhealthy but UNFUFILLING.

This is the first summer since I had started drinking, after my freshman year of high school, that wasn't spent partying. Even though the old memories crept up on me and gave me that temporary high in my mind, I was forced not to give in. I'm pregnant and obviously that wasn't a choice. The time spent not looking back and not drinking gave me opportunity to give my new life a REAL chance. To look forward and not look into the things of this world for my happiness.

Now, after I have my little girl, I am set solid on never going back to the past to try and create a "happy" present. I'm standing firm on God and His Promises, His Word and nothing or nobody else! Between my daughter, God, and best friend, I have learned how to be happy without the parties/drinking. I remembered what it was like to truly laugh again, to really find enjoyment out of the little things, to smile just because, to think of somebody other than myself, 

To not want the past, enjoy the present, and look forward to the future!