testimony;

This past fall/winter was probably the lowest and roughest part of my life. Not that the entire year before had been much better, considering it is what led me into such a "downfall". I was very lost even though I knew the what the right path was, I was in a sea of blindness. In an unhealthy relationship & an unhealthy lifestyle. I searched for my approval in this world from others and especially my unfaithful boyfriend. I dealt with most of my problems by turning my inward hurt into outward anger. I drank way to much and never really stopped to consider the obvious and much better option for myself. I let someone else supply my happiness, self-security, and worth. This was VERY out of character for me. Now that I had slowly trapped myself emotionally, in a relationship I thought I couldn't live without, and given myself away to someone who never even deserved my time, let alone my innocents. A year in a half later, I find myself pregnant.

This news was absolutely shocking and unreal. I revealed the news to my boyfriend, who was in shock also but didn't show a sign of unhappiness. I don't think I actually believed it until the following day when I wrecked my parents world. This was not the first time they had been through this, but they did not expect to be going through it again with their BABY girl.

The next month was a roller coaster of emotions, I was very sick from the pregnancy, my boyfriend of a year in a half had practically disappeared from my life, everyday was a battle. I was ready to grow up the day after I found out and my boyfriend reverted and ran the opposite direction. We could barely keep a grip on our relationship before, now that a child was involved it was much more clear to me why my mother and sisters had given me all the advice I never wanted to hear. I supposedly "had it under control" and was being "smart".

After about three weeks of trying to drag my boyfriend to church with me and trying to force him to turn towards God with me I made a decision. I was journaling and told God I was choosing Him whether my boyfriend was joining me or not. For the first time in a long time I set my mind on something and knew I was going to stick with it. I then officially broke up with my boyfriend. This was a saturday. I could not turn to drinking this time. I spent more nights in my bedroom sick to my stomach with the pain and hurt from my boyfriend not caring and the decision I knew was the right one. I played christan music and sermons, even if I wasn't always listening, and I cried out all the pain of an awful couple years and situation. The time spent up in my bedroom with God, praying and seeking, was VERY precious. I imagined His arms around me and held on to the light at the end of the tunnel although I hadn't seen it yet.

The following sunday night at church during a very intimate worship, Jesus spoke to me through one of the lead singers in the band. He said:

"Do you know you have caught my eye? In the secret place where you chose to die. You said no to your flesh. Praying to me in the bed and in the car. You've made radical decisions. I'm here and you are not doing this alone. I have heard your cries. I have filled you with My Glory. I am in love with you."

WOW. I have since then been blessed by God and also tried by the devil in many ways. I have stuck by God and His Word. I am following God and trusting Him with EVERYTHING in my life. He has since given me myself back (confidence, security, happiness, laughing, joy, trust...), a baby girl, supportive family, and true friends. I seek after Him everyday and I will never turn towards anything else in this world. This world has nothing for us!! The love of God will turn any situation around!! I knew what I had to do for the new life I was bringing into this world, I just wish I would have thought of myself as a good enough reason before.

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need.

Matthew 6:33